did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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