i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
