Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
