i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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