I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
