i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
