I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
