isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
