So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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