First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
