You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
