After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
