My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
