I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize