I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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