i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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