Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
