At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
