I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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