And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
