She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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