Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
