This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
