From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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