pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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