i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
