Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
this just has baby written all over it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize