That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
