My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
