like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
