someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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