A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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