i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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