I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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