your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
