I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
