Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
