soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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