That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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