he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
