So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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