she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
