so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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