Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
