what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
