Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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