I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
