i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
cat food counts as protein by the way
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize