3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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