the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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