in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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