I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize