During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
