We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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