fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
