College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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