Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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