I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
