i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
