NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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