is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
