can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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