party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
