You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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