Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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