I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
someone owes me an orgasm
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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