I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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