He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
